BDSM Question: Fetish & Addiction, A Slippery Slope

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Sent: Thu, Sep 8, 2022 at 1:04 AM
Subject: help if you can

Question:
I read your take on fetishes going away and completely agree. I am happily married to the woman I love the most in this world, but every week I have this urge to research powerful women with very large penis' bringing a man to the edge of either death or a hospital. When my wife and I have sex she chokes me, it's the only way I can relieve myself. She is strong, but my ultimate fantasy is a woman 7' tall with 11" that is as dominant as it gets, someone that when I knock on the door she opens it and I am instantly scared for my life. I do live in Minneapolis as well, what can I do to stop my weekly alcohol and porn urges, is there something you can help me with?



Answer: It is difficult to advise you with no tangible information about you in general . . .

It is difficult to advise you with no tangible information about you in general. Although I have many insights about kink, fetish and addiction, I am not a licensed therapist, which I would advise you to seek out in a "KAP" (Kink Aware Professional) as well as to insert yourself into an AA group (Alcoholics Anonymous) to help you with the basics a program like this can offer to you. If you think you might have a problem, you probably do.

KAP Directory:

https://www.kapprofessionals.org/kap_directory/wpbdm-region/minnesota/page/2/

To be clear, I do not believe a "fetish" ever goes away. Remember,  there are differences in FETISHES and KINKS. A kink is like a quirky sexual thing. A fetish is something you are usually engrained in from an early age  

The main thing about addiction that is very important to note is the  unmanageability process that signals something is wrong. Trying to rectify the situation on your own can be futile.

Further, if any area of your life becomes unmanageable because of your addiction, it's a direct signal to you there is something wrong and needs to be addressed.

Lots of people have a fetish which is the basis for their sexual life and sometimes the core of their entire life. Take a foot fetish obsession for example. Most fetishist have learned to incorporate their addiction and it's no harm to anyone, not even themselves and it IS an addiction.

Fetish can be viewed as a compulsion, but it can also be viewed as a more unique way of your own personal sexual health.  While there are some people who thrive on no frills sex, there are others who thrive on a sexually charged experience that includes their fetish or kink.

In saying that for the masses, dangers do abide. Breath play, asphyxiation edge play and CHOKING are definitive ways that DO lead to unsafe play. Why? Because you'll always be looking for a sharper edge, a bigger high and with some people it is feath defying. ("Look, I lived through it again. I'm ok")

Take for instance this example. A friend of mine was getting ready to do a photo shoot with a well known publisher of a fetish magazine. She and a few others walked in on this man who was asphyxiated and dead. He was using nitrous oxide alone (even though I would not recommend breath play edging either alone or with someone) and it was dangerous, unsafe, so he died. Shocking visual and quite sad.

So, I do not recommend you engage in this type of play. I'd also want to ask if your wife knows CPR? Could she have resuscitated you in the event of an actual emergency?

The other IMPORTANT thing to know is that DEPRIVING THE BODY OF QXYGEN FOR PERIODS OF TIME OVER YEARS IS *ACCUMULATIVE* Meaning, slowly the body becomes weaker and one day (with it or without nitrous oxide) you die.

Take me seriously in this because this kind of attraction towards choking is a bit like alcoholism and is PROGRESSIVE. It ESCALATES and you think you might be fine, but you're just riding that wave looking for bigger waves. You don't want to put your wife in a situation where she is held responsible for an accidental death.

Your inclination to your compulsive behavior through alcohol, porn and choking are warning signs.

M Sharina